tay.doooooooot

everyone has started posting on here once again, all at the same time. Everyone has similar things to say but I find it amusing and interesting to pick out the things that are different. I love to read about the lives of people I have been close to. I've been feeling very similar ways to everyone I've loved but all in different ways. Winter is a strange time. I miss a lot. I've gained more. I am in school full time now, 9-4, an hour away, with a strict dress code, and a lot of amazing people. I love what I do, or soon will be doing. I feel that I've found my passion and calling. Aveda pushes eco-friendly and healthy lifestyles. Although I'm fully aware this is the trend it's the first good trend America has seen, ever, well except maybe everyone smoking pot and doing LSD in the 60's but really, what good did that do for humanity or the earth, none. I've never been so interested in being enviromentally friendly but now the effects are here. Probably too late. I haven't ate meat for two days (for health reasons, i don't like animals). I'm going to be using public transportation every chance I get. My showers are shorter (right after I bought the amazing shower head too, bummer) and I'm going to be doing volunteer work with the school. Helping others is what helps me. I feel good, better, I feel fucking fabulous! I got hired at Cheesecake Factory and I'm finally on my own and making some money after more than two weeks. I'm broke. There's a really cute boy at school that has a crush on me and I do too. There's a hot girl that texts me every night and harasses me for "bringing out her gay". Suprisingly, I'm more excited about the boy. I don't know what will come of either situations but I kind of hope nothing does, I'll be in very close quarters with both, for a year, starting Monday. Work sucks. I alread hate this job. I hate that I had to take out my lip ring that made me feel so... me, I have to wear all white, there's an abundance of mexicans that hoot and holler everytime I simply return a dish to the sink. I've never been bothered by that sort of thing but this is different. Tonight everyone commented about how helpful I am to other servers and with cleaning. They said I'll be a "shift leader" by the end of the week. Woo hoo, same pay, more responsibility, and a free meal a shift (fat). Little do they know I'm doing everything in my power to have a new job by the end of this week. I'm very close to friendless but thinking that will change with school. I mind a lot more somedays than others. I have only smoked two bowls in the past two weeks. I'm proud but I miss it. I still don't think it's a bad thing, in anyway. Wine has become a close friend thanks to Rebecca who is pregnant. Drew's been in juvie and now goes to Triad. Brett got a job opening at bakery manager at a new vegan restaraunt in Winter Park. I hope he gets and takes the job, I would love to see him in a better place, finally. I think my dad and Shane are having some issues, Dad's been bitching about him a lot since he's been out of town. Mom's the same, she always will be, but we had an amazing conversation the other week and once again she made me feel okay again. No matter how much harm she does or how much it feels like she's not there, because she's so within herself the majority of the time, it's those couple hours that make me love her more than anyone in the world, atleast for a few months. The wine is thickining my brain and I think sleep would be my best bet for now. Work at 8, woo.


alex, chelsea, kristen, kb, therese, danielle, mom, brett, drew, i miss you all, dearly.

i'm coming to sarasota august 9th-15th. sex, drugs, and rock and roll. yes please.

everyone has chilled out and calm down sooo much.




i love it!

I'll just tell you how i'm feeling.

excited
anxious
terrified
sad
lonely
ready
confined
antsy
free
smothered
incomplete
agitated
overwhelmed
horny
and

gay

i want to go to ga and i want all the people i love to come with me but at the same time i want a fresh start and new people. i feel like my body, mind, and stomach are soup. but my heart is beating a million times a minute.

I got a job. even if it's kind of shitty at least i can make some money till I leave. I'm so ready to leave.

no weed for one day and I have the job I've been talking about getting for a month and a half.

Alex deleted her post. but we're doing this together. she wants to stop drinking and smoking and clean up her life. I feel the same way. yeah, we're young, and only once. But what a better reason to not be spending it like this. If I would saved all the money I've spent on getting fucked up over the past year and a half I could be back packing in Europe with my aunt this summer. And I'm sure I'de have a job now and probably would have started school. I haven't gone anywhere productive since I started using drugs and alcohol and it's depressing. There's a lot more things I need to work on than this but I need to stop abusing these things before my body and heart will let me reach those other things. I'll start with AA meetings with my mom and grow from there. I know I could be an amazing person, I know I could go amazing places but I've been blind sighted and side tracked. I'm going to stop hanging out with everyone for a while. I was going to delete my myspace to make things easier but I use it to keep in touch with a lot of family, so don't be offended that i'm not your friend on myspace. Eventually we can probably be friends in real life again but I need to grow much much much stronger first. I'm talking to my mom about things and I'm not giving up this time. I'm not saying I will never drink or smoke a bowl of weed again but it's going to be a really long time and it's going to be special occasions. When I smoke and/or drink next time I want to do it with a smile on my face knowing I'm happy with me and everyone I'm surrounded with. I'm sick of fucking up and being fucked up, I know better, it's unexcusable







I figure it's this or getting fucked up to cover everything up till I die young and scared. I don't want that.

<td align="center"> taylor --
[adjective]:

Sexually stunning

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com</td>


who told them??? : )

the big 1 9

*spending time with my family
*smoking w33d
*genuinely kind people
*board games
*Brett
*drinking with friends
*striving and working to be a better person
*going to see Chelsea and Lindsey
*beards
*swimming
*Arob
*being outside
*having my hair played with
*reading
*road trips
*tree houses
*being submissive
*skipping
*drinking
*remembering being young
*hot tubs
*watching movies
*feeling inspired
*loud music
*wind
*camping
*being a passenger
*hearing a job well done
*keeping secrets
*sharing
*peircings
*long hair
*naps
*forts
*climbing trees
*pictures
*embrassing the smaller things
*getting to know new people
*laughing for hours
*peeling glue off my hands
*watching my friends laugh
*waking up next someone
*Chelsea being drunk
*secret spots
*rainy days
*tickeling
*clean clothes
*feeling welcome
*giggling
*bonding
*reading in trees
*feeling accomplished
*holding hands
*knowing someone cares
*going on dates
*parks
*late nights
*writing
*getting flowers, not roses
*secrets
*drawing on skin
*making out
*chatty strangers
*exploring
*eye contact
*long hugs
*sunroofs
*being missed
*romance
*following people
*big eyes
*car rides with Alex
*kiddie pools
*singing as loud as possible
*forest smells
*bon fires
*tomatoes
*being myself
*a cup of tea
*walking on the beach
*dirt biking
*sleeping in tents
*genuine people
*trying new things
*embrassing others flaws
*smelling like bon fire
*respect
*theme parks
*feeling understood
*crying with someone
*bike rides
*camping
*bubble baths
*slip-n-slide
*Gainesville
*cereal